seven - Later life widow(er)hood

Summary

Introduction

This chapter argues for a lifecourse approach to understanding family practices in later life in relation to later life widow(er)hood. A lifecourse perspective takes the view that continuing and accumulative experiences over the lifecourse influence the experience of family relationships and practices in later life (Hockey and James, 2003). Gender is fundamental to this discussion of the way in which older widows and widowers ‘do’ family (Davidson, 2001); indeed, as argued by Morgan (1996: 11), family practices and gendered practices are likely to overlap. This chapter will argue that cohort, linked to gender, is an equally important component in understanding the way in which the loss of a partner affects family practices that have been developed over the lifecourse (Chambers, 2005). This chapter will consider how for many older women, in particular, notions of ‘home’ become reinforced as a site for family practices in widow(er)hood and how for some older widows and widowers life after the death of their spouse results in a juxtaposition of both old and new ways of ‘being’ and ‘doing’. The potential impact on family practices of different ways of re-partnering will be explored, including living apart together (LAT) relationships.

A lifecourse approach to later life widow(er)hood

The transition to widow(er)hood is an expectation of later life, particularly for older women. As De Jong Gierveld (2003) reminds us, this does not necessarily lessen its impact on the remaining spouse: partner and family relationships are major integrating structures in society and individuals without a partner are more likely to be lonely than those with a partner. Indeed, a powerful mythology suggests that loneliness is the automatic consequence of later life widow(er)hood. Some years ago Adlersberg and Thorne (1992: 9) commented: ‘The vast quantity of literature on older widows in our society convincingly portrays widowhood as an experience fraught with poverty, ill-health, loneliness, grief and re-adjustment.’

Such taken-for-granted knowledge still perpetuates this mythology, with widow(er)hood being blamed for many of the ills of later life (Chambers, 2009). However, a lifecourse perspective on later life widow(er)hood argues that the way in which the ‘event’ of losing a spouse is both experienced and subsequently managed is rooted in the personal, social and collective biography of an individual and her/his family (Martin-Matthews, 1991; 1999; Chambers, 2005).