26 - (Un)making the imposter syndrome

Summary

Writing back while Black

The story of my PhD journey can be encapsulated in the following words of the towering author, intellectual and activist Maya Angelou: ‘Stand up straight and realise who you are, that you tower over your circumstances’ (Angelou, 2014).

I chose to write about my journey of completing my PhD in the hope that I can speak to those who are searching for suggestions on how to stay on course and endure the race to possibly become a Black academic in higher education. When I was planning to do a PhD, I had little knowledge as to how to navigate the rough terrain in accessing funding. I first researched the Economic Social Research Council funding options and soon realised that this highly competitive funding body did not accommodate women like me. After having three children I decided to teach in further education and pursue a PhD. I asked myself, could I realistically secure funding from such an elitist funding system? After weighing up the financial costs, the need to conduct my research became more imminent and I decided to self- fund my PhD. Fortunately, due to my teaching experience, I was employed as an associate lecturer while doing my PhD at the university. In retrospect, I realise how fortunate I was to complete my PhD on a full- time basis. In the current neoliberal climate, it has become exceedingly difficult and exceptionally competitive for Black students to gain PhD funding, as many undergraduates attend post- 92 universities as opposed to Russell Group universities. From my experience, a self- funded PhD requires self- discipline, tenacity and mental strength to keep going through the ebbs and flows of the PhD journey. Despite being frugal with my research budget, I was continually existing on an overdraft, but I did not let that deter me. Past studies have shown that many Black PhD students are forced to do their PhD part time and work numerous jobs as well as struggle with the burden of teaching.