9 - Through, around or over the gate? Navigating academia from a Black Muslim woman’s perspective

Summary

For me and many others the art of poetry and storytelling is a vessel we are both connected to and lean on deeply. In reading the unapologetic stories and works of Toni Morrison, Audre Lorde, bell hooks and Dr Maya Angelou, their individual and collective offerings to the world have shaped so many of us. I am also from a nation of poets, so perhaps something ancestral lies in my relationship with storytelling. The truth is, I know no other way to share parts of my journey, parts of me, other than through stories and poems.

In this chapter, split into two parts, I will share pockets of my journey as a Black Muslim woman in higher education, beginning each section with a short original poem. Think of the poems as blinds that grant you access into the windows of my world. My deepest hope is that, in reading this essay, you are able to truly hear me and, in doing so, also have space to be heard. And that you are able to truly see me between my words, and in some way also feel seen.

Before you proceed, I kindly ask that you indulge me a little for one moment and take a deep breath. A real, full breath before you continue reading.

Thank you.

Masks

You did the dance

faked the smile

hid the tears

made someone comfortable enough to ask you

a question

And remembered to be grateful for the opportunity

Well done.

You can clock off for the day, I mean night now.

Take a sip of water and leave.

Just don't swallow all of your hope when the first bit of air hits your throat.

You’ll need that little piece if you want to come back tomorrow.

The ‘performance’ of who I was pretending to be in academic spaces did not come about overnight, nor did my awareness of it – rather as W.E.B. Du Bois (1987 [1903]) positioned it, my double- consciousness, the ‘always looking at oneself through the eyes of others’ was ever- present.