9 - The Dark Side of Affectionate Communication

Summary

A common misconception about affectionate communication – which empirical and theoretic work has largely helped to debunk – is that affectionate behavior produces consistently positive outcomes for individuals and their relationships. In fact, affection has a dark side, which some compelling research has helped to illuminate. This chapter begins by framing affectionate communication in terms of its risks (instead of its rewards). It then reviews literature on how affection can be used to deceive and to manipulate others. The construct of affection deprivation is then described, along with its negative associations with mental, physical, and relational health. Finally, the chapter explores the question of whether people can receive too much affection – exactly the opposite state of affection deprivation – and what the consequences of such a condition are.