Hostname: page-component-586b7cd67f-l7hp2 Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-12-03T19:20:04.488Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

Parents and Children: An Alternative to Selfless and Unconditional Love

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  25 March 2020

Abstract

I develop a model of love or care between children and their parents guided by experiences of parents, especially mothers, with disabilities. On this model, a caring relationship requires both parties to be aware of each other as a particular (not interchangeable) person and it requires reciprocity. This does not mean that children need to be able to articulate their interests, or that they need to be self-reflectively aware of their parents’ interests or personhood. Instead, parents and children manifest their understanding of one another as unique, irreplaceable individuals, with identifiable needs and interests through their interactions with one another.

Type
Research Article
Copyright
Copyright © 2006 by Hypatia, Inc.

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Andolsen, Barbara Hilkert. 1981. Agape in feminist ethics. Journal of Religious Ethics 9: 6983.Google Scholar
Archard, David. 2003. Children, family and the state. Burlington, Vt.: Ashgate.Google Scholar
Azar, Sandra T., and Lauretti, Allison F., and Loding, Bruce V. 1998. The evaluation of parental fitness in termination of parental rights cases: A functional‐contextual perspective. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review 1, no. 2: 77100.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Badhwar, Neera Kapur. 1987. Friends as ends in themselves. Philosophy and Phenomenological Research 48, no. 1: 123.10.2307/2107703CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Badhwar, Neera Kapur. 1993. Self‐interest and virtue. Social Philosophy & Policy 10, no. 1: 226–63.Google Scholar
Becker, Lawrence C. 1986. Reciprocity. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul.Google Scholar
Bronfenbenner, Urie. 1990. Discovering what families do. In Rebuilding the nest: A new commitment to the American family. ed. Blankenhorn, David, Bayme, Steven, and Elshtain, Jean Bethke. Milwaukee, Wis.: Family Service America.Google Scholar
Burtt, Shelley. 2003. The proper scope of parental authority: Why we don't owe our children an “open future.” In Child, family, and state. ed. Macedo, Stephen and Young, Iris Marion. New York: New York University Press.Google Scholar
Card, Claudia 1996. Against marriage and motherhood. Hypatia 11 no. 3: 123.10.1111/j.1527-2001.1996.tb01013.xCrossRefGoogle Scholar
Code, Lorraine 1991. What can she know? Feminist theory and the construction of knowledge. Ithaca, N.Y.: Cornell University Press.Google Scholar
Dillon, Robin. 1992. Respect and care: Towards moral integration. Canadian Journal of Philosophy 22: 105–32.10.1080/00455091.1992.10717273CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Ehlers‐Flint, M. L. 2002. Parenting perceptions and social supports of mothers with cognitive disabilities. Sexuality and Disability 20, no. 1: 2951.10.1023/A:1015282320460CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Fisher, Berenice, and Tronto, Joan 1990. Toward a feminist theory of caring. In Circles of care: Work and identity in women's lives. ed. Abel, Emily K. and Nelson, Margaret K.Albany: SUNY Press.Google Scholar
Fitzmaurice, Susan. 2002. A mother's narrative: Reflections on life with disability. Sexuality and Disability 20, no. 2: 117–23.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Friedman, Marilyn 1993. What are friends for? Feminist perspectives on personal relation’ ships and moral theory. Ithaca, N.Y.: Cornell University Press.Google Scholar
Hampton, Jean. 1993. Selflessness and the loss of self. Social Philosophy & Policy 10, no. 1: 135–65.10.1017/S0265052500004052CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Herman, Barbara. 2002. The scope of moral requirement. Philosophy & Public Affairs. 30, no. 3: 227–56.Google Scholar
Hoagland, Sarah Lucia 1991. Some thoughts about “caring.” In Feminist ethics. ed. Card, Claudia. Lawrence: University Press of Kansas.Google Scholar
Houston, Barbara. 1987. Rescuing womanly virtues: Some dangers of moral reclamation. In Science, morality and feminist theory. ed. Hanen, Marsha and Nielsen, Kai, Calgary: University of Calgary Press.Google Scholar
Houston, Barbara. 1990. Caring and exploitation. Hypatia 5, no. 1: 115–19.10.1111/j.1527-2001.1990.tb00395.xCrossRefGoogle Scholar
Keith, Lois, and Morris, Jenny. 1996. Easy targets: A disability rights perspective on the “children as carers” debate. In Encounters with strangers: Feminism and disability. ed. Morris, Jenny. London: The Women's Press.Google Scholar
Kirshbaum, Megan, and Olkin, Rhoda. 2002. Parents with physical, systemic, or visual disabilities. Sexuality and Disability 20, no. 1: 6580.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Levinas, Emmanuel. 1991. Otherwise than being; or, beyond essence. Trans. Lingus, A.Boston: Kluwer Press.10.1007/978-94-015-7906-3CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Maclntyre, Alasdair. 1999. Dependent rational animals. Chicago: Open Court Press.Google Scholar
Mills, Claudia. 2003. The child's right to an open future? Journal of Social Philosophy 34, no. 4: 499509.10.1111/1467-9833.00197CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Mongoven, Ann. 2003. Sharing our body and blood: Organ donation and feminist critiques of sacrifice. Journal of Medicine and Philosophy 28, no. 1: 89114.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Montague, Phillip. 2000. The myth of parental rights. Social Theory and Practice 26, no. 1: 4768.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Mullin, Amy. 2005. Reconceiving pregnancy and childcare: Ethics, experience and reproductive labor. New York: Cambridge University Press.10.1017/CBO9780511814280CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Murray, Thomas H. 1996. The worth of a child. Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California Press.Google Scholar
Noddings, Nel. 1984. Caring: A feminist approach to ethics and moral education. Berkeley and Los Angeles: University of California Press.Google Scholar
Olsen, Richard. 1996. Young carers: Challenging the facts and politics of research into children and caring. Disability and Society 1191: 4154.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
O'Toole, Corbett Jean, and Doe, Tanis. 2002. Sexuality and disabled parents with disabled children. Sexuality and Disability 20, no. 1: 89101.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Prilleltensky, Ora. 2003. A ramp to motherhood: The experiences of mothers with physical disabilities. Sexuality and Disability 21, no. 1: 2147.10.1023/A:1023558808891CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Prilleltensky, Ora. 2004. My child is not my carer: Mothers with physical disabilities and the well‐being of children. Disability and Society 19, no. 3: 209–23.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Schmitt, Richard 1993. Nurturing fathers: Some reflections about caring. Journal of Social Philosophy 24, no. 1: 138–51.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Schoeman, Ferdinand. 1980. Rights of children, rights of parents, and the moral basis of the family. Ethics 91: 619.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Slote, Michael 2004. Autonomy and empathy. Social Philosophy & Policy 21, no. 1: 293309.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Strike, Robert, and McConnell, David. 2002. Look at me, listen to me, I have something important to say. Sexuality and Disability 20, no. 1: 5363.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Thomas, Laurence. 1987. Friendship. Synthese 72: 217–36.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Veatch, Robert M. 1998. The place of care in ethical theory. Journal of Medicine and Philosophy 23, no. 2: 210–24.10.1076/jmep.23.2.210.8925CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Velleman, J. David. 1999. Love as a moral emotion. Ethics 109, no. 2: 338–74.10.1086/233898CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Young, Iris Marion. 1997. Asymmetrical reciprocity: On moral respect, wonder, and enlarged thought. Constellations 3, no. 3: 340–63.Google Scholar