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8 - Coping with Disappointment in Marriage: When Partners' Standards Are Unmet

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  25 July 2009

By
Anita L. Vangelisti  and
Alicia L. Alexander
Edited by
Patricia Noller  and
Judith A. Feeney
Anita L. Vangelisti
Affiliation:
University of Texas at Austin
Alicia L. Alexander
Affiliation:
University of Texas at Austin
Patricia Noller
Affiliation:
University of Queensland
Judith A. Feeney
Affiliation:
University of Queensland
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Summary

When we were first married, we agreed that we would have a partnership –that we would both have jobs, that we would share the housework, and that we would both be active in caring for our children. Well, now that we've had a baby, all that has changed. Sure, we both have jobs, but I do almost all of the childcare. He acts like he's doing me a big favor when he holds the baby while I make dinner. It's not that he doesn't like the baby–he loves her and he really enjoys playing with her. I just thought he'd want to be more involved in feeding, diaper-changing, and stuff like that. He'll sit and watch TV or read the paper while I do all the work. I hinted around to him about this a couple of times, but he really got mad. He thought I was saying that he wasn't a good father. So now I just do everything myself. It's hard, but I'd rather keep our marriage happy and I want him to enjoy the time that he spends with the baby.

Why is it that some spouses stay relatively satisfied with their marriage even though the standards they hold for their relationship are not being fulfilled? What do people do when their relational standards are not met? Some individuals may dwell on the disappointment they feel and, as a consequence, may become disillusioned with their relationship.

Type
Chapter
Information
Understanding Marriage
Developments in the Study of Couple Interaction
 , pp. 201 - 227
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2002

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