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11 - For better or worse: compassionate goals create good relationships in good times and bad

from Part II - Concepts and mechanisms

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  05 April 2016

C. Raymond Knee
Affiliation:
University of Houston
Harry T. Reis
Affiliation:
University of Rochester, New York
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Summary

Intentions toward relationship partners—specifically, compassionate goals to be constructive and supportive—are a key to creating good relationships. When people strive to be supportive and constructive toward their relationship partners, they tend to become more supportive and responsive over time. Their relationship partners notice and respond in kind, becoming more supportive and responsive themselves. Over time, the mutual support and responsiveness that these intentions foster improve the quality of relationships for both people. Thus, intentions to be supportive and constructive can be the starting point of creating good relationships and can result in increased self-esteem, greater feelings of security in the relationship, and less concern about rejection. Furthermore, goals to be constructive and supportive foster good relationships regardless of one’s level of self-esteem, attachment insecurity, or sensitivity to rejection. They do so for a variety of relationship types, from relationships between previously unacquainted college roommates, to romantic couples, and they do so in good times and in bad times, when issues and conflicts arise. By carefully setting their intentions toward relationship partners, people can create the good relationships they want.
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Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2016

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