5 - Tensions in Religion and Culture

Summary

Noreen

I’ve been married and divorced twice so far; I’ve got two young children. My first marriage was arranged with someone in Pakistan. I wouldn't say I was forced into it; I was sort of pressured into it. I was 16, he was 33. I went on what I thought was a holiday to Pakistan and came back to the UK married, and then didn't go to college, ended up working. I went back to Pakistan one more time and then realised that I couldn't actually do it so I told my parents that I wanted to get a divorce.

I left home at 18 and that's when I met my children's father. I got with him … obviously the family weren't happy, so I can imagine why as well – he's White, he wasn't in the same race or culture or anything. I had children with him and we were together for four years before I got married to him.

The second you sign that piece of paper for some reason, everything seems to change, and I don't know if it's the pressure of ‘Oh we’re married now – it's not like I leave you at any time.’ For some reason that just tends to have an effect on some people. And the way that he became Muslim, I don't think that that helped either. I think he did it for me and the children, not realising that he’d have to stick by it. He was obviously practising in front of my face but not sticking to it behind my back and when I found out I felt deceived and felt that my religion had been made a joke out of. Two months later we ended up breaking up and then a year later we got a divorce, and I’ve now been divorced for over a year since my second marriage. After the divorce, I was looking for a husband because I wanted to settle down. I’ve got two daughters – they’re 3 and 2 – and I thought their dad isn't around much at all and he's returned back to his old ways. I hope to bring them up in the right way, and I realised that not only do I need a husband, but they need a father.

Pakistanis can be very close-minded and backward-looking, and they have a completely different mentality.