Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-cd9895bd7-jn8rn Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2025-01-05T16:19:24.835Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

9 - Autonomous Interdependence

A Complementary Understanding of Personal and Relational Needs in Interdependent Relationships

from Part III - Interdependence, Goal Pursuit, and Person Factors

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  19 June 2020

By
Benjamin W. Hadden  and
Yuthika U. Girme
Edited by
Laura V. Machia ,
Christopher R. Agnew  and
Ximena B. Arriaga
Laura V. Machia
Affiliation:
Syracuse University, New York
Christopher R. Agnew
Affiliation:
Purdue University, Indiana
Ximena B. Arriaga
Affiliation:
Purdue University, Indiana
Get access

Summary

Interdependent relationships are complex because they require the coordination of personal needs with relational needs. A common assumption in the extant literature is that personal needs are divergent from relational needs, requiring individuals to balance personal and relational needs by prioritizing one over the other at any given point. In the first section of this chapter, we draw on self-determination and interdependence theories to review existing research that challenges the assumption that personal and relational needs are inherently in conflict. We propose that personal and relational needs can be conceptualized as complementary, and that pursuing relational needs and goals does not necessarily involve sacrificing or deprioritizing personal ones (or vice versa). Instead, the pursuit of favorable personal and relational needs can serve to facilitate each other. Of course, relationship circumstances do not always allow for such complementary processes. Thus, the second section of this chapter overviews various conditions (e.g., relationship processes, relationship contexts, and individual differences) that pit personal and relational needs against each other, and explores how people adapt to and manage such circumstances. Taken together, this chapter aims to shed light on the complexities of coordinating personal and relational needs in highly interdependent relationships.

Keywords

Psychological need fulfillmentpersonal needsrelational needsPersonal-Relational Equilibrium Modelgoal coordinationgoal shielding
Type
Chapter
Information
Interdependence, Interaction, and Close Relationships , pp. 183 - 203
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2020

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Agnew, C. R. (Ed.) (2014). Social Influences on Romantic Relationships: Beyond the Dyad. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Agnew, C. R., Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., & Langston, C. A. (1998). Cognitive interdependence: Commitment and the mental representation of close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 939–954.Google Scholar
Aron, A. & Aron, E. N. (1997). Self-expansion motivation and including other in the self. In Duck, S. (Ed.), Handbook of Personal Relationships: Theory, Research and Interventions (pp. 251–270). Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons Inc.Google Scholar
Aron, A., Aron, E. N., Tudor, M., & Nelson, G. (1991). Close relationships as including other in the self. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 241–253.Google Scholar
Aron, A., Lewandowski, G. W. Jr., Mashek, D., & Aron, E. N. (2013). The self-expansion model of motivation and cognition in close relationships. In Simpson, J. A. & Campbell, L. (Eds.), Oxford Library of Psychology. The Oxford Handbook of Close Relationships (pp. 90–115). New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Aron, E. N. & Aron, A. (1996). Love and the expansion of the self: The state of the model. Personal Relationships, 3, 45–58.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Arriaga, X. B., Kumashiro, M., Finkel, E. J., VanderDrift, L. E., & Luchies, L. B. (2014). Filling the void: Bolstering attachment security in committed relationships. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5, 398–406.Google Scholar
Arriaga, X. B., Kumashiro, M., Simpson, J. A., & Overall, N. C. (2018). Revising working models across time: Relationship situations that enhance attachment security. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 22, 71–96.Google Scholar
Baumeister, R. F. & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 497–529.Google Scholar
Bolger, N., Zuckerman, A., & Kessler, R. C. (2000). Invisible support and adjustment to stress. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79, 953–961.Google Scholar
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment. New York: Basic Books.Google Scholar
Bowlby, J. (1973). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 2. Separation. New York: Basic Books.Google Scholar
Brunell, A. B., Kernis, M. H., Goldman, B. M., Heppner, W., Davis, P., Cascio, E. V., & Webster, G. D. (2010). Dispositional authenticity and romantic relationship functioning. Personality and Individual Differences, 48, 900–905.Google Scholar
Cantazaro, A. & Wei, M. (2010). Adult attachment, dependence, self-criticism, and depressive symptoms: A test of a mediational model. Journal of Personality, 78, 1135–1162.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Canevello, A. & Crocker, J. (2010). Creating good relationships: Responsiveness, relationship quality, and interpersonal goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99, 78–106.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Collins, N. L. & Feeney, B. C. (2004). Working models of attachment shape perceptions of social support: Evidence from experimental and observational studies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 363–383.Google Scholar
Copen, C. E., Daniels, K., Vespa, J., & Mosher, W. D. (2012). First marriages in the United States: Data from the 2006–2010 National Survey of Family Growth. National Health Statistics Reports. Number 49. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics.Google Scholar
Deci, E. L. & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The ‘what’ and ‘why’ of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11, 227–268.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Deci, E. L. & Ryan, R. M. (2014). Autonomy and need satisfaction in close relationships: Relationships Motivation Theory. In Weinstein, N. (Ed.), Human Motivation and Interpersonal Relationships (pp. 53–73). New York: Springer.Google Scholar
Don, B. P. & Hammond, M. D. (2017). Social support in intimate relationships: The role of relationship autonomy. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43, 1112–1124.Google Scholar
Feeney, B. C. (2004). A secure base: Responsive support of goal strivings and exploration in adult intimate relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87, 631–648.Google Scholar
Feeney, B. C. (2007). The dependency paradox in close relationships: Accepting dependence promotes independence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 268–285.Google Scholar
Feeney, B. C. & Collins, N. L. (2015). A new look at social support: A theoretical perspective on thriving through relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 19, 113–147.Google Scholar
Feeney, B. C. & Thrush, R. L. (2010). Relationship influences on exploration in adulthood: The characteristics and function of a secure base. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 57–76.Google Scholar
Finkel, E. J. & Campbell, W. K. (2001). Self-control and accommodation in close relationships: An interdependence analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81, 263–277.Google Scholar
Finkel, E. J. & Fitzsimons, G. M. (2011). The effects of social relationships on self-regulation. In Vohs, K. D. & Baumeister, R. F. (Eds.), Handbook of Self-Regulation: Research, Theory, and Applications (pp. 390–406). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). The suffocation of marriage: Climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen. Psychological Inquiry, 25, 1–41.Google Scholar
Fivecoat, H. C., Tomlinson, J. M., Aron, A., & Caprariello, P. A. (2015). Partner support for individual self-expansion opportunities: Effects on relationship satisfaction in long-term couples. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 32, 368–385.Google Scholar
Freud, S. (1920). A General Introduction to Psychoanalysis. New York: Horace Liveright.Google Scholar
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., & Faingataa, S. (2014). “Date nights” take two: The maintenance function of shared relationship activities. Personal Relationships, 21, 125–149.Google Scholar
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C, Faingataa, S., & Sibley, C. G. (2016). Happily single: The link between relationship status and wellbeing depends on avoidance and approach social goals. Social Personality and Psychological Science, 7, 122–130.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., & Hammond, M. D. (2019). Facilitating autonomy in interdependent relationships: Invisible support facilitates highly avoidant individuals’ autonomy. Journal of Family Psychology, 33, 154–165.Google Scholar
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., Simpson, J. A., & Fletcher, G. O. (2015). “All or nothing”: Attachment avoidance and the curvilinear effects of partner support. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 108, 450–475.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Gottman, J. M. (1994). What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes. Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Inc.Google Scholar
Hadden, B. W., Rodriguez, L. M., Knee, C. R., DiBello, A. M., & Baker, Z. G. (2016). An actor–partner interdependence model of attachment and need fulfillment in romantic dyads. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7, 349–357.Google Scholar
Hadden, B. W. & Smith, C. V. (2019). I gotta say, today was a good (and meaningful) day: Daily meaning in life as a potential basic psychological need. Journal of Happiness Studies, 20, 185–202.Google Scholar
Hadden, B. W., Smith, C. V., & Webster, G. D. (2014). Relationship duration moderates associations between attachment and relationship quality: Meta-analytic support for the temporal adult romantic attachment model. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 18, 42–58.Google Scholar
Hazan, C. & Shaver, P. R. (1994). Attachment as an organizational framework for research on close relationships. Psychological Inquiry, 5, 1–22.Google Scholar
Heintzelman, S. J. & King, L. A. (2014). Life is pretty meaningful. American Psychologist, 69, 561–574.Google Scholar
Heppner, W. L., Kernis, M. H., Nezlek, J. B., Foster, J., Lakey, C. E., & Goldman, B. M. (2008). Within-person relationships among daily self-esteem, need satisfaction, and authenticity. Psychological Science, 19, 1140–1145.Google Scholar
Hodgins, H. S. & Knee, C. R. (2002). The integrating self and conscious experience. In Deci, E. L. & Ryan, R. M. (Eds.), Handbook of Self-Determination Research (pp. 87–100). Rochester, NY: University of Rochester Press.Google Scholar
Impett, E. A., Kogan, A., English, T., John, O., Oveis, C., Gordon, A. M., & Keltner, D. (2012). Suppression sours sacrifice: Emotional and relational costs of suppressing emotions in romantic relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38, 707–720.Google Scholar
Johnson, D. J. & Rusbult, C. E. (1989). Resisting temptation: Devaluation of alternative partners as a means of maintaining commitment in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57, 967–980.Google Scholar
Kelley, H. H. & Thibaut, J. W. (1978). Interpersonal Relations: A Theory of Interdependence. New York: Wiley.Google Scholar
Knee, C. R., Hadden, B. W., & Baker, Z. (2016). Optimal relationships as mutual fulfillment of self-determination theory’s basic psychological needs. In Knee, C. R. & Reis, H. T. (Eds.), Positive Approaches to Optimal Relationship Development (pp. 30–55). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Knee, C. R., Hadden, B. W., Porter, B., & Rodriguez, L. M. (2013). Self-determination theory and romantic relationship processes. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 17, 307–324.Google Scholar
Knee, C. R., Lonsbary, C., Canevello, A., & Patrick, H. (2005). Self-determination and conflict in romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 89, 997–1009.Google Scholar
Knee, R. C. & Reis, H. T. (Eds.) (2016). Positive Approaches to Optimal Relationship Development. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar
Kumashiro, M., Rusbult, C. E., & Finkel, E. J. (2008). Navigating personal and relational concerns: The quest for equilibrium. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 95, 94–110.Google Scholar
La Guardia, J. G. & Patrick, H. (2008). Self-determination theory as a fundamental theory of close relationships. Canadian Psychology/Psychologie Canadienne, 49, 201–209.Google Scholar
La Guardia, J. G., Ryan, R. M., Couchman, C. E., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Within-person variation in security of attachment: A self-determination theory perspective on attachment, need fulfillment, and well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79, 367–384.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Laurenceau, J.-P., Barrett, L. F., & Rovine, M. J. (2005). The interpersonal process model of intimacy in marriage: A daily-diary and multilevel modeling approach. Journal of Family Psychology, 19, 314–323.Google Scholar
Laurenceau, J.-P., Rivera, L. M., Schaffer, A. R., & Pietromonaco, P. R. (2004). Intimacy as an interpersonal process: Current status and future directions. In Mashek, D. J. & Aron, A. P. (Eds.), Handbook of Closeness and Intimacy (pp. 61–78). Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates Publishers.Google Scholar
Luchies, L. B., Finkel, E. J., McNulty, J. K., & Kumashiro, M. (2010). The doormat effect: When forgiving erodes self-respect and self-concept clarity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 734–749.Google Scholar
Marigold, D. C., Holmes, J. G., & Ross, M. (2007). More than words: Reframing compliments from romantic partners fosters security in low self-esteem individuals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 232–248.Google Scholar
Maslow, A. H. (1954). Motivation and Personality. Oxford: Harpers.Google Scholar
McDougall, W. (1908). An Introduction to Social Psychology. New York: Methuen.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Mikulincer, M. & Shaver, P. R. (2007). Attachment in Adulthood: Structure, Dynamics, and Change. New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Mikulincer, M. & Shaver, P. R. (2015). The psychological effects of the contextual activation of security-enhancing mental representations in adulthood. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 18–21.Google Scholar
Morton, T. L. (1978). Intimacy and reciprocity of exchange: A comparison of spouses and strangers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 36, 72–81.Google Scholar
Murray, H. A. (1938). Explorations in Personality. New York: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Collins, N. L. (2006). Optimizing assurance: The risk regulation system in relationships. Psychological Bulletin, 132, 641–666.Google Scholar
Murray, S. L., Holmes, J. G., & Griffin, D. W. (2000). Self-esteem and the quest for felt security: How perceived regard regulates attachment processes. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78, 478–498.Google Scholar
Orehek, E. & Forest, A. L. (2016). When people serve as means to goals: Implications of a motivational account of close relationships. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 25, 79–84.Google Scholar
Orehek, E., Forest, A. L., & Wingrove, S. (2018). People as means to multiple goals: Implications for interpersonal relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 44, 1487–1501.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Overall, N. C., Fletcher, G. J. O., Simpson, J. A., & Sibley, C. G. (2009). Regulating partners in intimate relationships: The costs and benefits of different communication strategies. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 96, 620–639.Google Scholar
Overall, N. C. & Simpson, J. A. (2015). Attachment and dyadic regulation processes. Current Opinion in Psychology, 1, 61–66.Google Scholar
Patrick, H., Knee, C. R., Canevello, A., & Lonsbary, C. (2007). The role of need fulfillment in relationship functioning and well-being: A self-determination theory perspective. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92, 434–457.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Pronk, T. M., Karremans, J. C., Overbeek, G., Vermulst, A. A., & Wigboldus, D. H. J. (2010). What it takes to forgive: When and why executive functioning facilitates forgiveness. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 98, 119–131.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Ren, D., Arriaga, X. B., & Mahan, E. R. (2017). Attachment insecurity and perceived importance of relational features. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 34, 446–466.Google Scholar
Reis, H. T. & Patrick, B. C. (1996). Attachment and intimacy: Component processes. In Higgins, E. T. & Kruglanski, A. W. (Eds.), Social Psychology: Handbook of Basic Principles (pp. 523–563). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Reis, H. T. & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process. In Duck, S., Hay, D. F., Hobfoll, S. E., Ickes, W., & Montgomery, B. M. (Eds.), Handbook of Personal Relationships: Theory, Research and Interventions (pp. 367–389). Oxford: John Wiley & Sons.Google Scholar
Reis, H. T., Sheldon, K. M., Gable, S. L., Roscoe, J., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). Daily well-being: The role of autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 26, 419–435.Google Scholar
Righetti, F. & Impett, E. (2017). Sacrifice in close relationships: Motives, emotions, and relationship outcomes. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 11, e12342Google Scholar
Ritter, S. M., Karremans, J. C., & van Schie, H. T. (2010). The role of self-regulation in derogating attractive alternatives. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 46, 631–637.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E. & Agnew, C. R. (2010). Prosocial motivation and behavior in close relationships. In Mikulincer, M. & Shaver, P. R. (Eds.), Prosocial Motives, Emotions, and Behavior: The Better Angels of Our Nature (pp. 327–345). Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E. & Buunk, B. P. (1993). Commitment processes in close relationships: An interdependence analysis. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 10, 175–204.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E., Drigotas, S. M., & Verette, J. (1994). The investment model: An interdependence analysis of commitment processes and relationship maintenance phenomena. In Canary, D. J. & Stafford, L. (Eds.), Communication and Relational Maintenance (pp. 115–139). San Diego, CA: Academic Press.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E. & Van Lange, P. A. M. (1996). Interdependence processes. In Higgins, E. T. & Kruglanski, A. W. (Eds.), Social Psychology: Handbook of Basic Principles (pp. 564–596). New York: Guilford Press.Google Scholar
Rusbult, C. E., Verette, J., Whitney, G. A., Slovik, L. F., & Lipkus, I. (1991). Accommodation processes in close relationships: Theory and preliminary empirical evidence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60, 53–78.Google Scholar
Ryan, R. M., Bernstein, J. H., & Brown, K. W. (2010). Weekends, work, and well-being: Psychological need satisfactions and day of the week effects on mood, vitality, and physical symptoms. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 29, 95–122.Google Scholar
Ryan, R. M. & Deci, E. L. (2000). Self-determination theory and the facilitation of intrinsic motivation, social development, and well-being. American Psychologist, 55, 68–78.Google Scholar
Sarkisian, N. & Gerstel, N. (2016). Does singlehood isolate or integrate? Examining the link between marital status and ties to kin, friends, and neighbors. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 33, 361–384.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Shaver, P. R., Schachner, D. A., & Mikulincer, M. (2005). Attachment style, excessive reassurance seeking, relationship processes, and depression. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 31, 343–359.Google Scholar
Simpson, J. A. (1990). Influence of attachment styles on romantic relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59, 971–980.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Simpson, J. A. & Overall, N. C. (2014). Partner buffering of attachment insecurity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23, 54–59.Google Scholar
Stanton, S. C. E., Campbell, L., & Pink, J. C. (2017). Benefits of positive relationship experiences for avoidantly attached individuals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 113, 568–588.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Stein, P. J. (1975). Singlehood: An alternative to marriage. The Family Coordinator, 24, 489–503.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Tan, K., Agnew, C. R., & Hadden, B. W. (2020). Seeking and ensuring interdependence: Desiring commitment and the strategic initiation and maintenance of close relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 46, 36–50.Google Scholar
Tan, R., Overall, N. C., & Taylor, J. K. (2012). Let’s talk about us: Attachment, relationship‐focused disclosure, and relationship quality. Personal Relationships, 19, 521–534.Google Scholar
Thibaut, J. W. & Kelly, H. H. (1959). The Social Psychology of Groups. Oxford: John Wiley.Google Scholar
Uysal, A., Lin, H. L., & Knee, C. R. (2010). The role of need satisfaction in self-concealment and well-being. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36, 187–199.Google Scholar
Van Lange, P. A. M. & Rusbult, C. E. (2012). Interdependence theory. In Van Lange, P. A. M., Kruglanski, A. W., & Higgins, E. T. (Eds.), Handbook of Theories of Social Psychology (Vol. 2, pp. 251–272). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage. doi:10.4135/9781446249222.n39Google Scholar
Van Lange, P. A. M., Rusbult, C. E., Drigotas, S. M., Arriaga, X. B., Witcher, B. S., & Cox, C. L. (1997). Willingness to sacrifice in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 72, 1373–1395.Google Scholar
VanderDrift, L. E. & Agnew, C. R. (2012). Need fulfillment and stay–leave behavior: On the diagnosticity of personal and relational needs. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 29, 228–245.Google Scholar
Visserman, M. L., Righetti, F., Kumashiro, M., & Van Lange, P. A. M. (2017). Me or us? Self-control promotes a healthy balance between personal and relationship concerns. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 8, 55–65.Google Scholar
Wang, H. & Abbott, D. A. (2013). Waiting for Mr. Right: The meaning of being a single educated Chinese female over 30 in Beijing and Guangzhou. Women’s Studies International Forum, 40, 222–229.Google Scholar
Xu, X., Lewandowski, G. W., & Aron, A. (2016). The self-expansion model and optimal relationship development. In Knee, C. R. & Reis, H. T. (Eds.), Positive Approaches to Optimal Relationship Development (pp. 79–100). Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.Google Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure [email protected] is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×