Hostname: page-component-586b7cd67f-rcrh6 Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-11-20T10:47:49.211Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

Compersion: An Alternative to Jealousy?

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  31 March 2020

LUKE BRUNNING*
Affiliation:
UNIVERSITY OF [email protected]

Abstract

Compersion is an important concept for non-monogamous people. Often described as jealousy's opposite, compersion labels positive feelings toward the intimacy of a beloved with other people. Since many people think jealousy is ordinary, intransigent, and even appropriate, compersion can seem psychologically and ethically dubious. I make the case for compersion, arguing it focuses on the flourishing of others and is thus not akin to pride, vicarious enjoyment, or masochistic pleasure. People cultivate compersion by softening their propensity to be jealous and by attending to the flourishing of others, which requires them to tackle entitlement and temper vulnerability. I argue that jealousy is not a valuable emotional disposition; its instrumental benefits are minor, unstable, and have to be traded against the harms of aggression. Arguments that conclude that jealousy is a virtue rest on contentious premises and overlook the practical question as to whether jealousy and compersion could be cultivated together.

Type
Articles
Copyright
Copyright © American Philosophical Association 2020

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

Footnotes

I am grateful for the kind and constructive feedback of Meg-John Barker, Laurencia Saenz Benavides, Aaron Ben-Ze'ev, Lucy Campbell, Mary Carmen, Ronald De Sousa, Alexander Greenberg, Edward Harcourt, Joanna Iwanowska, Pilar Lopez, Natasha McKeever, Elke Schmidt, Jennifer Shurville, the two anonymous reviewers for this journal, and Reviewer Two at Ethics. I also benefited from the robust criticism of audiences at the SPSL session at the Pacific APA; EPSSE Madrid; Centre for Ethics, Pardubice; and the Metaphysics of Sex and Love Workshop, Barcelona.

References

Anapol, Deborah. (2010) Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.Google Scholar
Aristotle. (2018) The Art of Rhetoric. Translated by Waterfield, Robin, edited by Yunis, Harvey. Oxford: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Barker, Meg-John. (2005) ‘This is my Partner, and this is my . . . Partner's Partner: Constructing a Polyamorous Identity in a Monogamous World’. Journal of Constructivist Psychology, 18, 1875–88.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Barker, Meg-John. (2012) Rewriting the Rules: An Integrative Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships. London: Routledge.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Batson, C. D. (1991) The Altruism Question: Toward a Social-psychological Answer. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.Google Scholar
Batson, C. D. (2009) ‘These Things Called Empathy: Eight Related but Distinct Phenomena’. In Decety, Jean E. and Ickes, William E. (eds.), The Social Neuroscience of Empathy (Cambridge, MA: MIT Press), 315.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Baumeister, Roy F., Bratslavsky, Ellen, Finkenauer, Catrin, and Vohs, Kathleen D.. (2001) ‘Bad is Stronger than Good’. Review of General Psychology, 5, 323–70.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Ben-Ze'ev, Aaron. (2000) The Subtlety of Emotions. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Block, Susan M. (2015) ‘Erotica: Cuckold’. In Blackwood, E. et al. (eds.), The International Encyclopaedia of Human Sexuality (Hoboken, NJ: Wiley-Blackwell), 339–40.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Bowlby, John. (1997 [1969]) Attachment. London: Pimlico.Google Scholar
Bowlby, John. (2005) A Secure Base. London: Routledge.Google Scholar
Brady, Michael S. (2009) ‘The Irrationality of Recalcitrant Emotions’. Philosophical Studies, 145, 413–30.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Brainerd, Edwin G. Jr., Hunter, Patricia A., Moore, DeWayne, and Thompson, Tisha R.. (1996) ‘Jealousy Induction as a Predictor of Power and the Use of Other Control Methods in Heterosexual Relationships’. Psychological Reports, 79, 1319–25.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Colombetti, Giovanna. (2005) ‘Appraising Valence’. Journal of Consciousness Studies, 12, 103–26.Google Scholar
D'Arms, Justin, and Jacobson, Daniel. (2000) ‘The Moralistic Fallacy: On the ‘Appropriateness’ of Emotions’. Philosophical and Phenomenological Research, 61, 6590.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Darwall, Stephen. (1998) ‘Empathy, Sympathy, Care’. Philosophical Studies, 89, 261–82.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Davis, Kingsley. (1936) ‘Jealousy and Sexual Property’. Social Forces, 14, 395405.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
De Sousa, Ronald. (2017) ‘Love, Jealousy, and Compersion’. In Grau, Christopher and Smuts, Aaron (eds.), The Oxford Handbook of the Philosophy of Love (Oxford: Oxford University Press). https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199395729.013.30.Google Scholar
Deonna, Julien, and Teroni, Fabrice. (2012) The Emotions: A Philosophical Introduction. London: Routledge.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Deri, Jillian. (2015) Love's Refraction: Jealousy and Compersion in Queer Women's Polyamorous Relationships. Toronto: University of Toronto Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
DeSteno, David, Valdesolo, Piercarlo, and Bartlett, Monica Y.. (2006) ‘Jealousy and the Threatened Self: Getting to the Heart of the Green-eyed Monster’. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91, 626–41.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Eslinger, Paul J. (1998) ‘Neurological and Neuropsychological Bases of Empathy’. European Neurology, 39, 193–99.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Farber, Leslie H. (2000) ‘On Jealousy’. In Boyers, Robert and Farber, Anne (eds.), The Ways of the Will (New York: Basic Books), 179205.Google Scholar
Farrell, Daniel M. (1980) ‘Jealousy’. The Philosophical Review, 89, 527–59.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Feeney, Judith A., and Noller, Patricia. (1990) ‘Attachment Style as a Predictor of Adult Romantic Relationships’. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 58, 281–91.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Feinberg, Joel. (1970) ‘Justice and Personal Desert’. In Pojman, Louis and McLeod, Owen (eds.), Doing and Deserving (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press), 5594.Google Scholar
Finn, Mark D. (2012) ‘The Psychological Architecture of the Stable Couple Relationship’. Theory & Psychology, 22, 607–25.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Fredrickson, Barbara L. (2013) ‘Positive Emotions Broaden and Build’. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 47, 153.Google Scholar
Gesell, Arnold. (1906) ‘Jealousy’. The American Journal of Psychology,17, 437–96.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Gill, Carol J. (1996) ‘Dating and relationship issues’. Sexuality and Disability, 14, 183–90.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Glossary of Keristan English. (1985) Accessed at: http://kerista.com/kerdocs/glossary.html.Google Scholar
Goldie, Peter. (2000) The Emotions: A Philosophical Exploration. Oxford: Oxford University PressGoogle Scholar
Grahek, Nikola. (2007) Feeling Pain and Being in Pain. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Gross, James J. (ed.) (2013) Handbook of Emotion Regulation. New York: Guilford Publications.Google Scholar
Hazan, Cindy, and Shaver, Phillip R.. (1994) ‘Attachment as an Organizational Framework for Research on Close Relationships’. Psychological Inquiry, 5, 122.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Helm, Bennett W. (2001) Emotional Reason: Deliberation, Motivation, and the Nature of Value. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Hodgson, Nichi. (2014) ‘Use Jealousy to Improve Your Sex Life’. Men's Health [Online]. Available at: http://www.menshealth.co.uk/sex/more/jealousy-for-better-sex. Accessed September 21, 2018.Google Scholar
Holmes, Jeremy. (1993) ‘Attachment Theory: A Biological Basis for Psychotherapy?’. British Journal of Psychiatry, 163, 430–38.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Holmes, Jeremy. (2001) The Search for the Secure Base. London: Routledge.Google Scholar
Kim, Bitna. (2011) ‘Asian Female and Caucasian Male Couples: Exploring the Attraction.Pastoral Psychology, 60, 233–44.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kittay, Eva F. (2013) Love's Labor: Essays on Women, Equality and Dependency. London: Routledge.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Klein, Colin. (2015) What the Body Commands: The Imperative Theory of Pain. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Klesse, Christian. (2006) ‘Polyamory and its ‘Others’: Contesting the Terms of Non-monogamy’. Sexualities, 9, 565–83.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kristjánsson, Kristjan. (2018) Virtuous Emotions. Oxford: Oxford University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kristjánsson, Kristjan. (2002) Justifying Emotions: Pride and Jealousy. London: Routledge.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
La Rochefoucauld, François de. ([1671] 2007) Collected Maxims and Other Reflections. Translated by Blackmore, E. H. and Blackmore, A. M.. Oxford: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Levy, Robert I. (1984) ‘Emotion, Knowing, and Culture’. In Shweder, Richard A. and Le Vine, Robert A. (eds.), Culture Theory: Essays on Mind, Self and Emotion (Cambridge: Cambridge University Press), 214–37.Google Scholar
Lindemann, Hilde. (2014) Holding and Letting Go: The Social Practice of Personal Identities. Oxford: Oxford University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Lipps, Theodore. (1903) ‘Einfühlung, innere Nachahmung, und Organ-empfindungen’. Archiv für die gesamte Psychologie, 1, 185–204.Google Scholar
McCarthy, Gerard. (1999) ‘Attachment Style and Adult Love Relationships and Friendships: A Study of a Group of Women at Risk of Experiencing Relationship Difficulties’. British Journal of Medical Psychology, 72, 305–21.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Mackenzie, Catriona, Rogers, Wendy, and Dodds, Susan (eds.) (2014) Vulnerability: New Essays in Ethics and Feminist Philosophy. Oxford: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Miller, Barbra S. (1979) ‘On Cultivating the Immeasurable Change of Heart: The Buddhist brahma-vihāra Formula’. Journal of Indian Philosophy, 7, 209–21.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Mirk, Sarah. (2014) Sex from Scratch. Portland, OR: Microcosm Publishing.Google Scholar
Molouki, Sarah, and Bartels, Daniel M.. (2017) ‘Personal Change and the Continuity of the Self’. Cognitive Psychology, 93, 117.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Murdoch, Iris. (2001) The Sovereignty of Good. London: Routledge.Google Scholar
Neu, Jerome. (2000) A Tear is an Intellectual Thing: The Meanings of Emotion. Oxford: Oxford University Press.Google Scholar
Perel, Esther. (2017) The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. New York: Yellow Kite.Google Scholar
Pines, Ayala M. (1998) Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures. London: Routledge.Google Scholar
Roberts, Robert C. (2003) Emotions: An essay in Aid of Moral Psychology. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Robinson, Victoria. (1997) ‘My Baby just Cares for me: Feminism, Heterosexuality and Non-monogamy’. Journal of Gender Studies, 6, 143–57.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Rosenwein, Barbra H. (2016) Generations of Feeling: A History of Emotions, 600–1700. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Royzman, Edward B., and Rozin, Paul. (2006) ‘Limits of Symhedonia: The Differential Role of Prior Emotional Attachment in Sympathy and Sympathetic Joy’. Emotion, 6, 8293.CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Rozin, Paul, and Royzman, Edward B.. (2001) ‘Negativity Bias, Negativity Dominance, and Contagion’. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 5, 296320.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Saunders, F., and Hall, G.. (1900) ‘Pity’. The American Journal of Psychology, 11, 534–91.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sheff, Elizabeth. (2014) The Polyamorists Next Door. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield.Google Scholar
Smuts, Aaron. (2009) ‘Art and Negative Affect’. Philosophy Compass, 4, 3955.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sober, Elliott, and Wilson, Daniel S.. (1998) Unto others: The Evolution and Psychology of Unselfish Behavior. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.Google Scholar
Taormino, Tristan. (2008) Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships. Jersey City, NJ: Cleis Press.Google Scholar
Tappolet, Christine. (2016) Emotions, Values, and Agency. Oxford: Oxford University Press.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Tobia, Kevin P. (2015) ‘Personal Identity and the Phineas Gage Effect’. Analysis, 75, 396405.CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Toohey, Peter. (2014) Jealousy. New Haven, CT: Yale University Press.Google Scholar
Veaux, Franklin, and Rickert, Eve. (2014) More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory. Portland, OR: Thorntree Press.Google Scholar
Wonderly, Monique L. (2016) ‘On Being Attached’. Philosophical Studies, 173, 223–42.CrossRefGoogle Scholar