7 - Religion, Recognition and Marriage Law

Summary

Karimah

I came to the UK for marriage on a fiancée visa, and we got married on the same day in Islamic marriage ceremony. The marriage was arranged by my parents, especially my father. He trusted these people – they were from same community in Pakistan and my parents met them. I didn't meet the guy, I didn't see him, I didn't talk to him – just a few messages. So I came over here and I had a few things in the back of my mind, but I kept ignoring them. That was because my parents found out before the marriage that he has a daughter from his previous relationship. When I found out, I found that hard to accept, because I thought ‘I didn't do anything wrong so why do I deserve such a person?’ My husband talked to my dad all the time. And he said, ‘you know, I’m very guilty.’ So my dad thought that he's going to respect me even more because I’m willing to ignore this thing. My dad cried in front of me and said, ‘don't say no.’ He's suffered with depression before because of my sister's divorce.

My family were also concerned because I had a childhood engagement with my cousin. He was super happy, but then he went to Canada and liked someone and he said, ‘I fell in love with someone.’ That time I was a really simple, shy person – I didn't talk to him and he said, ‘because you didn't talk to me, I went to someone else’. In our culture, if you get married and you’re good age, you’re respectful … if you’re not, they might be thinking there's something wrong in your personality, but this doesn't have to do anything with religion.

So I came here, but the marriage didn't work from day one. I was just shocked. He left me at his parents’ house and he went to his own house. Sometimes, he would pick me up, and sometimes he would leave me in his parents’ house. He would say: ‘I’m the eldest son, you’re the eldest daughter-in-law – you have to do everything. You have to keep my parents happy. I have only one sister – she's my princess. I have only one daughter – she's my everything. My mother is my queen.’