3 - What I wish I knew: deciding on when to pursue the PhD

Summary

I was 22 and feeling fed up, tired and alone.

The end of my integrated master's degree was fast approaching, and many of my White peers had already set into motion their PhD journeys. They were organising applications, reaching out to personal tutors for references, and moving into the world of research.

As for me, I could not follow my White peers; I knew that I needed a break. Despite wanting to also undertake a PhD, four years spent in predominantly White higher education institutions was stressful. I was acutely aware that I had barely encountered any Black academics. And, most tellingly, I had not come across any Black PhD students.

I needed to be back in an environment that permitted me to embrace my full self. Where I would not have people questioning the music I liked or the food I ate, attempting to touch my brandnew braids with unwashed hands, or spraying me with Lynx Africa for ‘banter’ and then being surprised at where l told them to insert the can instead.

Coming back home to London felt like a cool salve on a wound. Here I was able to find and eat as much Ghanaian food as I pleased, easily locate shops for afro hair, and be with plenty of people who looked just like me. I knew that, if I were to go back into academia, it would have to be here.

And the thing I was most grateful for was that I did not feel rushed.

In the final year of my studies, I was lucky to have briefly met a woman in her 40s who had just begun her PhD journey in the department. Our ten- minute chat sowed in me the realisation that it was okay to wait. To wait for a PhD opportunity based in a field I actually felt passionate about. To wait for a fully- funded position. To wait until I found a work environment that would positively encourage my development. But, most importantly of all, to wait until I felt more secure in myself.

I waited for five years.

During this time, I continued to work in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM), focusing on making science accessible to as many people as possible.