Skip to main content Accessibility help

We use cookies to distinguish you from other users and to provide you with a better experience on our websites. Close this message to accept cookies or find out how to manage your cookie settings.

Close cookie message
×
Hostname: page-component-cd9895bd7-dk4vv Total loading time: 0 Render date: 2024-12-27T04:23:17.930Z Has data issue: false hasContentIssue false

18 - Does Working at a Relationship Work? Relationship Self-Regulation and Relationship Outcomes

Published online by Cambridge University Press:  25 July 2009

By
W. Kim Halford ,
Keithia L. Wilson ,
Alf Lizzio  and
Elizabeth Moore
Edited by
Patricia Noller  and
Judith A. Feeney
W. Kim Halford
Affiliation:
Griffith University, Australia
Keithia L. Wilson
Affiliation:
Griffith University, Australia
Alf Lizzio
Affiliation:
Griffith University, Australia
Elizabeth Moore
Affiliation:
Griffith University, Australia
Patricia Noller
Affiliation:
University of Queensland
Judith A. Feeney
Affiliation:
University of Queensland
Get access

Summary

Good marriages don't just happen – they take a lot of love and a lot of work.

—Tipper Gore, Life, February 1999

Life happens and where does the magic go? Can it be revived? Yes, but it takes more than magic. It takes work; it takes time.

—Arp & Arp, 2001, p. 118

The idea of making marriage work may seem to conflict with how relationships should be – magical and romantic. … But, if couples can learn how to make the magic themselves, then they will be able to keep their relationship's promise – the creation of a better life together.

—Lucas, 1997, p. 11

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.

—Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, p. 1

It is a commonly held belief in western cultures that successful marriage requires work by the partners. In the first quote above, a prominent member of the American community proffers the view that partners need to work at their relationships. In the next two quotes, some authors of widely read popular books on marriage express a similar idea. However, as the final quote from one of the world's best-known romantic writers demonstrates, the view that work is a major determinant of marital satisfaction is not universally endorsed.

In this chapter, we describe a program of research evaluating the proposition that the work or effort that partners put into their relationship determines, in part, whether couples sustain relationship satisfaction.

Type
Chapter
Information
Understanding Marriage
Developments in the Study of Couple Interaction
 , pp. 493 - 518
Publisher: Cambridge University Press
Print publication year: 2002

Access options

Get access to the full version of this content by using one of the access options below. (Log in options will check for institutional or personal access. Content may require purchase if you do not have access.)

References

Arp, A., & Arp, D. (2001). The magic of older love: Stoking your marital fires through the years. In J. R. Levine & H. J. Markman (Eds.), Why do fools fall in love? (pp. 117–122). San Francisco: Jossey Bass
Australian Council for Educational Research advanced tests manual. (1982). Hawthorn, Australia: Australian Council for Educational Research
Avery, A., Ridley, C., Leslie, L., & Milholland, T. (1980). Relationship enhancement with premarital dyads: A six month follow-up. American Journal of Family Therapy, 8, 23–30CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Bandura, A. (1977). Social learning theory. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall
Bandura, A. (1986). Social foundations of thought and action: A social cognitive theory. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall
Belsky, J., & Pensky, E. (1988). Marital change across the transition to parenthood. Marital and Family Review, 12, 133–156CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Bradbury, T. N. (1995). Assessing the four fundamental domains of marriage. Family Relations, 44, 459–468CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Bradbury, T. N. (Ed.) (1998). The developmental course of marital dysfunction. New York: Cambridge University Press
Bradbury, T. N., Cohan, C. L., & Karney, B. R. (1998). Optimizing longitudinal research for understanding and preventing marital dysfunction. In T. N. Bradbury (Ed.), The developmental course of marital dysfunction (pp. 279–311). New York: Cambridge University PressCrossRef
Bradbury, T. N., & Fincham, F. D. (1990). Attributions in marriage: Review and critique. Psychological Bulletin, 107, 3–33CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Buss, D. M. (1994). The evolution of desire: Strategies of human mating. New York: Basic Books
Cascardi, M., Langhinrichsen, J., & Vivian, D. (1992). Marital aggression: Impact, injury, and health correlates of husbands and wives. Archives of Internal Medicine, 152, 1178–1184CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Catania, A. C. (1975). The myth of self-reinforcement. Behaviorism, 3, 192–199Google Scholar
Cordova, J. V., Jacobson, N. S., Gottman, J. M., Rushe, R., & Cox, C. L. (1993). Negative reciprocity and communication in couples with a violent husband. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 102, 559–564CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Costa, P. T., & McCrae, R. R. (1992). NEO Personality Inventory Professional Manual. Florida: Psychological Assessment Resources
Cowan, C. P., & Cowan, P. A. (1992). When partners become parents. New York: Basic Books
De Guilbert-Lantoine, C., & Monnier, A. (1992). La conjoncture demognishique: L'Europe et les pays developpes d'Outre-Mer. Population, July-August
Fincham, F. D., & Bradbury, T. N. (1992). Assessing attributions in marriage: The relationship attribution measure. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 62, 457–468CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Fowers, B. J., & Olson, D. H. (1986). Predicting marital success with PREPARE: A predictive validity study. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 12, 403–413CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Glenn, N. D. (1998). The course of marital success and failure in five American 10-year cohorts. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 569–576CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Gottman, J. M. (1993). A theory of marital dissolution and stability. Special Section: Families in transition. Journal of Family Psychology, 7, 57–75CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Gottman, J. M., Coan, J., Carrere, S., & Swanson, C. (1998). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60, 5–22CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Gredler, M. E., & Schwartz, L. S. (1997). Factorial structure of the self-efficacy for self-regulated learning scale. Psychological Reports, 81, 51–57CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Halford, W. K. (1998). The ongoing evolution of behavioral couples therapy: Retrospect and prospect. Clinical Psychology Review, 18, 613–633CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Halford, W. K. (1999). Australian couples in millennium three: A research development agenda for marriage and relationship education. Canberra: Department of Family and Community Services
Halford, W. K. (2001). Brief couple therapy: Helping partners help themselves. New York: Guilford
Halford, W. K. (in press). Relationship education in groups: A skills training approach. In T. Patterson (Ed.), Comprehensive handbook of psychotherapy, volume 2: Cognitive-behavioral-functional approaches. New York: Wiley
Halford, W. K., Hahlweg, K., & Dunne, M. (1990). The cross-cultural consistency of marital communication associated with marital distress. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 52, 109–122CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Halford, W. K., & Moore, E. M. (in press). Relationship education and the prevention of couple relationship problems. In A. S. Gurman (Ed.), Clinical handbook of couple therapy (3rded.) New York: Guilford
Halford, W. K., Osgarby, S. M., & Kelly, A. (1996). Brief behavioural couples therapy: A preliminary evaluation. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 24, 263–273CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Halford, W. K., Sanders, M. R., & Behrens, B. C. (1994). Self-regulation in behavioral couples therapy. Behavior Therapy, 25, 431–452CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Halford, W. K., Sanders, M. R., & Behrens, B. C. (2000). Repeating the errors of our parents? Family of origin spouse violence and observed conflict management in engaged couples. Family Process, 39, 219–235CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Halford, W. K., Sanders, M. R., & Behrens, B. C. (in press). Can skills training prevent relationship problems in at-risk couples? Four-year effects of a behavioral relationship education program. Journal of Family Psychology
Holtzworth-Munroe, A., Smutzler, N., Bates, L., & Sandin, E. (1997). Husband violence: Basic facts and clinical implications. In W. K. Halford & H. J. Markman (Eds.), Clinical handbook of marriage and couple interventions (pp. 129–156). Chichester, England: Wiley
Huston, T. L., McHale, S., & Crouter, A. (1986). When the honeymoon's over: Changes in the marital relationship over the first year. In R. L. Gilmour & S. W. Duck (Eds.), The emerging field of personal relationships (pp. 109–132). Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates
Jacobson, N. S., Gottman, J. M., Waltz, J., Rushe, R., Babcock, J., & Holzworth-Munroe, A. (1994). Affect, verbal content, and psychophysiology in couples with a violent husband. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 62, 982–988CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Kanfer, F. H. (1970). Self-regulation: Research, issues and speculations. In C. Neurum & J. L. Michael (Eds.), Behavior modification in clinical psychology (pp. 37–62). New York: Appleton Century-Croft
Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1995). The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, method and research. Psychological Bulletin, 118, 3–34CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (1997). Neuroticism, marital interaction, and the trajectory of marital satisfaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 66, 413–424CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Karoly, P. (1993). Mechanisms of self-regulation: A systems view. Annual Review of Psychology, 44, 23–52CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Kurdeck, L. A. (1998). The nature and predictors of the trajectory of change in marital quality over the first 4 years of marriage for first-married husbands and wives. Journal of Family Psychology, 12, 494–510CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Larson, J. H., & Holman, T. B. (1994). Premarital predictors of marital quality and stability. Family Relations, 43, 228–237CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Lovibond, S. H., & Lovibond, P. F. (1995). Manual for the Depression Anxiety Stress Scales. Sydney: The Psychology Foundation of Australia
Lucas, J. C. (1997). Conscious marriage. Sydney: Simon and Schuster
Mahoney, M. J., & Thoreson, C. E. (1974). Power to the person. Pacific Grove, CA: Brooks/Cole
Markman, H. J. (1981). The prediction of marital distress: A five-year follow-up. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 49, 760–762CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Markman, H. J., Stanley, S., & Blumberg, S. L. (1994). Fighting for your marriage: Positive steps for preventing divorce and preserving a lasting love. San Francisco: Jossey Bass
McDonald, P. (1995). Families in Australia: A socio-demographic perspective. Melbourne, Australia: Australian Institute of Family Studies
McLaughlin, I. G., Leonard, K. E., & Senchak, M. (1992). Prevalence and distribution of premarital aggression among couples applying for a marriage license. Journal of Family Violence, 7, 309–319CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Miller, S., Nunnally, E., & Wackman, D. (1975). Minnesota Couples Communication Program (MCCP): Premarital and marital groups. In D. Olsen (Ed.), Treating relationships (pp. 21–40). Lake Mills, IN: Graphic
Noller, P., & Feeney, J. A. (1994). Relationship satisfaction, attachment, and nonverbal accuracy in early marriage. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 18, 199–221CrossRefGoogle Scholar
O'Leary, K. D., Malone, J., & Tyree, A. (1994). Physical aggression in early marriage: Prerelationship and relationship effects. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 6, 594–602CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Osgarby, S. M., & Halford, W. K. (1997) Rated relationship self-regulation and relationship satisfaction. Unpublished data, Griffith University
Pasch, L. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (1998). Social support, conflict, and the development of marital dysfunction. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66, 219–230CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Ridley, C. A., Jorgensen, S. R., Morgan, A. C., & Avery, A. W. (1982). Relationship enhancement with premarital couples: An assessment of effects on relationship quality. American Journal of Family Therapy, 10, 41–48CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Rogge, R. D., & Bradbury, T. N. (1999). Till violence does us part: The differing roles of communication and aggression in predicting adverse marital outcomes. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 67, 340–351CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Rosenbaum, M. (1980). A schedule for assessing self-control behaviors: Preliminary findings. Behavior Therapy, 11, 109–121CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Salovey, P., & Mayer, J. D. (1990). Emotional intelligence. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 9, 185–211CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sanders, M. R., Halford, W. K., & Behrens, B. C. (1999). Parental divorce and premarital couple communication. Journal of Family Psychology, 13, 60–74CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Sanders, M. R., Nicholson, J. M., & Floyd, F. (1997). Couples relationships and children. In W. K. Halford & H. J. Markman (Eds.), Clinical handbook of marriage and couples interventions (pp. 225–254). Chichester, England: Wiley
Schutte, N. S., Malouff, J. M., Hall, L. E., Haggerty, D. J., Cooper, J. T., Golden, C. J., & Dorheim, L. (1998). Development and validation of a measure of emotional intelligence. Personality and Individual Differences, 25, 167–177CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Shapiro, A. F., Gottman, J. M., & Carerre, S. (2000). The baby and the marriage: Identifying factors that buffer against decline in marital satisfaction after the first baby arrives. Journal of Family Psychology, 14, 59–70CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Silliman, B., Stanley, S. M., Coffin, W., Markman, H. J., & Jordan, P. L. (in press). Preventive interventions for couples. In H. Liddle, D. Santisteban, R. Levant, & J. Bray (Eds.), Family psychology intervention science. Washington, DC: APA Publications
Simons, M., Harris, R., & Willis, P. (1994). Pathways to marriage: Learning for married life in Australia. Adelaide, Australia: Centre for Research in Education and Work, University of South Australia
Skinner, B. F. (1953). Science and human behavior. New York: Macmillan
Spanier, G. B. (1976). Measuring dyadic adjustment: New scales for assessing the quality of marriage and similar dyads. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 37, 63–275Google Scholar
Stanley, S. M., Bradbury, T. N., & Markman, H. J. (2000). Structural flaws in the bridge from basic research on marriage to interventions for couples: Illustrations from Gottman, Coan, Carrere, and Swanson (1998). Journal of Marriage and the Family, 62, 256–264CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Straus, M. A., & Gelles, R. (1986). Societal change and change in family violence from 1975 to 1985 as revealed by two national surveys. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 48, 465–479CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Van Widenfelt, B., Markman, H. J., Guerney, B., Behrens, B., & Hosman, C. (1997). Prevention of relationship problems. In W. K. Halford & H. J. Markman (Eds.), Clinical handbook of marriage and couples interventions (pp. 651–678). Chichester, England: Wiley
Vanzetti, N. A., Notarius, C. I., & NeeSmith, D. (1992). Specific and generalized expectancies in marital interaction. Journal of Family Psychology, 6, 171–183CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Veroff, J., Douvan, E., Orbuch, T. L., & Acitelli, L. K. (1998). Happiness in stable marriages: The early years. In T. N. Bradbury (Ed.), The developmental course of marital dysfunction (pp. 152–179). New York: Cambridge University PressCrossRef
Wampler, K. S., & Sprenkle, D. (1980). The Minnesota couple communication program: A follow-up study. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 42, 577–585CrossRefGoogle Scholar
Werch, C. E., & Gorman, D. R. (1988). Relationship between self-control and alcohol consumption patterns and problems of college students. Journal of Studies on Alcohol, 49, 1, 30–37CrossRefGoogle ScholarPubMed
Wilson, K. L., Halford, W. K., Lizzio, A., Kimlin, S., Islen, G., & Morre, E. M. (2001). Measuring how couples work at their relationship: The Self-Regulation for Effective Relationships Scale. Paper submitted for publication. Griffith University, Brisbane, Australia
Worthington, E. L., McCullough, M. E., Shortz, J. L., Mindes, E. J., Sandage, S. J., & Chartrand, J. M. (1995). Can couples assessment and feedback improve relationships? Assessment as a brief relationship enrichment procedure. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 42, 466–475CrossRefGoogle Scholar

Save book to Kindle

To save this book to your Kindle, first ensure [email protected] is added to your Approved Personal Document E-mail List under your Personal Document Settings on the Manage Your Content and Devices page of your Amazon account. Then enter the ‘name’ part of your Kindle email address below. Find out more about saving to your Kindle.

Note you can select to save to either the @free.kindle.com or @kindle.com variations. ‘@free.kindle.com’ emails are free but can only be saved to your device when it is connected to wi-fi. ‘@kindle.com’ emails can be delivered even when you are not connected to wi-fi, but note that service fees apply.

Find out more about the Kindle Personal Document Service.

Available formats
×

Save book to Dropbox

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Dropbox.

Available formats
×

Save book to Google Drive

To save content items to your account, please confirm that you agree to abide by our usage policies. If this is the first time you use this feature, you will be asked to authorise Cambridge Core to connect with your account. Find out more about saving content to Google Drive.

Available formats
×