19 - Parents and children

Summary

In this chapter we discuss three qualities of parent–child relationships that relate to family structure and to gender relationships between husbands and wives: fathers' relationships with their children; the naming of newborn children; and the terms of reference children use to refer to their own mother and to other wives in their family.

Fathers and their children

By now it should be clear that plural wives/mothers are central figures in the lives of their children. According to traditional Mormon theology and cultural values (and American values as well), wives/mothers are the main caregivers, teachers, and socializers of children. Mothers in contemporary plural families are closely bonded to their children, become upset when they feel that their children are not being treated fairly by their husband, and are sensitive to how their children are cared for and disciplined by other wives.

The questions of concern here are: How do husbands/fathers relate to and interact with their children? Do they display the same emotional bonding to their offspring as do wives? What role do they play in day-to-day socialization, discipline, and care giving? We cannot fully address these questions since we only have a handful of cases from which to draw information on the relationship between parents and children. Furthermore, we observed fathers interacting with children only infrequently, and then mostly during our discussions. What we describe next must therefore be viewed with caution and is not necessarily representative of plural families in general.