Book contents
- Frontmatter
- Dedication
- Contents
- Death Begins with the Loss of Our Cities…
- Are You Going to Be a Killer?
- An Idea Whose Time Has Come
- Your Decision
- Dogs Smelling Blood on a Hunt
- The Meaning of This Empire for Us
- Confronting Death
- The Ancient Wound
- The Essence of the State
- Becoming the Hunted
- Like Two Wistful Flowers
- The World's Greatest Mystery
- The Love That Will Never Fade
- What Does a Single Individual Matter?
- A Game of Revenge
- The Motherland Is Lost
- The Only Thing Keeping Me Alive
- No Intention of Surrendering
- A Man's Word Is His Honour
- An Inappropriate Sense of Compassion
- A Token of a Conversation
- I Am Not the One to Decide
- Miracles
- The Ability to Forgive Ourselves
- Losing One's Humanity
- No Choice But to Fight
- Give Me an Honourable Death
- The Walking Dead
- Save Yourself, Soldier
- Wishing for Help from the Dead
- Resign, Your Excellency!
- A False Sense of Security
- The True Power in the Land
- Betrothed to Life, Married to Death
- When the Wolf Dies in the Forest
- This Is Not Ankara
- Vultures Circling Over an Old Man
- Ignoble Alliances
- A Betrayal of Their Own History
- Fighting for a Lost Cause
- Evil Stalks This Land
- A Malevolent Rain
- A Fragmented Homeland, a Disintegrating World
- Turning Us All into Killers
- When I Began Losing My Country
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland
- Glossary
A Malevolent Rain
- Frontmatter
- Dedication
- Contents
- Death Begins with the Loss of Our Cities…
- Are You Going to Be a Killer?
- An Idea Whose Time Has Come
- Your Decision
- Dogs Smelling Blood on a Hunt
- The Meaning of This Empire for Us
- Confronting Death
- The Ancient Wound
- The Essence of the State
- Becoming the Hunted
- Like Two Wistful Flowers
- The World's Greatest Mystery
- The Love That Will Never Fade
- What Does a Single Individual Matter?
- A Game of Revenge
- The Motherland Is Lost
- The Only Thing Keeping Me Alive
- No Intention of Surrendering
- A Man's Word Is His Honour
- An Inappropriate Sense of Compassion
- A Token of a Conversation
- I Am Not the One to Decide
- Miracles
- The Ability to Forgive Ourselves
- Losing One's Humanity
- No Choice But to Fight
- Give Me an Honourable Death
- The Walking Dead
- Save Yourself, Soldier
- Wishing for Help from the Dead
- Resign, Your Excellency!
- A False Sense of Security
- The True Power in the Land
- Betrothed to Life, Married to Death
- When the Wolf Dies in the Forest
- This Is Not Ankara
- Vultures Circling Over an Old Man
- Ignoble Alliances
- A Betrayal of Their Own History
- Fighting for a Lost Cause
- Evil Stalks This Land
- A Malevolent Rain
- A Fragmented Homeland, a Disintegrating World
- Turning Us All into Killers
- When I Began Losing My Country
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland
- Glossary
Summary
Good Morning, Ester (Morning, Day 13)
I woke up in a terrible state this morning. I had a strange feeling in my mouth, a painful pressure on my palate, most probably from grinding my teeth while I slept. I'd had so many dreams… So many colours, sounds and silhouettes… So many streets, squares and faces… A random, fragmented sequence of events… I couldn't remember any of them. I was exhausted, both mentally and physically, and so fed up that I could barely drag myself out of bed. If I could have just stayed under that warm blanket, just stayed in the room and let nobody touch me without the need to be protected from anybody, well away from all kinds of trouble… They were all hopeless fantasies, of course. I knew they were not going to leave me in peace and so, resigned to my fate, I dragged myself out of bed.
The breakfast lounge was quieter than usual. For the sake of conversation, I asked the waiter what was going on.
‘What's happened, Ihsan? The hotel looks like it has been emptied out.’
‘The Orient Express passengers have left, Şehsuvar Bey’, he replied gravely. ‘But they'll be back soon’. He didn't seem to mind, despite the seeming seriousness of his tone. He had a quick glance around and then said, ‘At least this way we'll have a little breathing space.’ He then realised his remark could be misconstrued and so hastily added, ‘I don't mean you, of course. You're one of us, sir.’ He glanced down at the half loaf of bread still on my table and the cheese that was just sitting there. ‘You've hardly eaten a thing. How about I get the chef to make you a lovely omelette, sir? And some freshly squeezed orange juice to go with it perhaps?’
Any other day and I would have gladly accepted his generous offer but this morning I really wasn't in the mood.
‘Thanks, but I think a coffee will be enough. And a glass of water to go with it. Cold water, though. I think I overdid the rakı again last night.’
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- Information
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland , pp. 565 - 582Publisher: Anthem PressPrint publication year: 2019