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Published online by Cambridge University Press: 05 October 2010
[Mr. Brainerd, the spring after his expulsion, went to live with the Rev. Mr. Mills of Ripton, to follow his studies with him, where he spent the greater part of the time till the Association licensed him to preach.
Here he began the third book of his diary, in which the account he wrote of himself is as follows]:—
Thursday, April 1, 1742.—I seem to be declining with respect to my life and warmth in divine things; had not so free access to God in prayer of late as usual. O that God would humble me deeply in the dust before Him! I deserve hell every day for not loving my Lord more, who has, I trust, loved me and given Himself for me; and every time I am enabled to exercise any grace renewedly, I am renewedly indebted to the God of all grace for special assistance. Where then is boasting? Surely it is excluded, when we think how we are dependent on God for the being and every act of grace. O, if ever I get to heaven, it will be because God wills, and nothing else; for I never did anything of myself but depart from God. My soul will be astonished at the unsearchable riches of divine grace, when I arrive at the mansions which the blessed Saviour is gone before to prepare.
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