We reflect upon the practices of two projects working with older people – one involving health promotion and the other arts – in terms of the discourses deployed in their work. The material discussed is drawn from evaluations which, through their use of feminist and critical methodologies, were committed to revealing and challenging the layers of inequality often present in practice with older people. The familiar notions of friendship and conversation are shown to be useful in conceptualising the work of these projects. It is argued that the discourses within which these ideas are embedded offer the basis of progressive practice with older people even in routine settings such as housing, social care, recreation and social work. These concepts offer the possibility of thinking of older people as active subjects within, rather than passive objects of, practice and of challenging inequalities through reframing more functional discourses.