Dear Abbe,
I had a particularly DYI-oriented investigator who kept modifying my microscopes without permission and after repeatedly warned not to fiddle with the instrumentation. Now I have a corpse on my hands, and I am wondering how best to dispose of the evidence. I do not think the police can be convinced that the 300 keV cable came loose on its own.
Correlative in Clemson
Dear CLEM,
Ich glaub mich knutscht ein Elch! I was just thinking about this yesterday! I applaud your strategy but agree that the authorities would find it curious. This brings me back to my youth, when I was first learning how to section tissues for histology and eventually the TEM. When thin sectioning for the TEM, I used to wonder how long it would take to serial section Arcturus. Ach, such memories! Now, well, let us just say that with a big enough diamond knife (I recommend Abbe Lab’s Archimedes brand knives) and a properly embedded sample, anything can be thin-sectioned.
Dear Abbe,
Our institution has been going through several years of financial distress, and we have not seen cost-of-living raises in many years. Consequently, our lower-paid techs are beginning to be a bit creative with components in our lab to save money on hygiene and other personal effects. I’m not sure this is a safe alternative. For example, I caught our TEM technician smearing fomblin grease on his teeth claiming the fluoride component would allow him to avoid dental visits. What can I do to stop this?
Shocked in Salem
Dear Shocked,
I am not surprised these days with all the alternative medicinal advice and home-brewed beverages. It was inevitable that people would resort to survival mode and become creative with readily accessible lab resources. I too am searching for ways to curb this trend without resorting to the Lab Bat. Here at Abbe Industries, my underpaid underlings are exhibiting this troublesome trend with our equipment and supplies. Just the other day I found one lab urchin gold coating some cheap baubles in the sputter coater. I suspect she’s been augmenting her salary with jewelry sales on Etsy. Then I had to stop an intern from making agar soup on the hot plate. Meanwhile, I have to keep a close watch on my EM tech since I found him calling pawn shops while prying the diamond out of an ultramicrotome knife. I’m looking into reasonably priced Tech Automatons as a viable alternative.
Want to worry your coworkers and create dubious ethical adventures? Contact Herr Abbe! He can be reached through his recently paroled assistant at [email protected].
