Letter XXIV

Summary

From Sir SIMON DARNFORD, in Reply.

Hark ye me, ‘Squire B.——A Word in your Ear!——I like neither you, nor your Wife, to be plain with you, well enough to trust my Polly with you. What! you are to shew her, in your Lady's Case, all the Game of a Lying-in, I suppose; and, at least, set the Girl a longing to make one in the Dance, before I have found out the proper Man for her Partner!

But here's War declar’d against my poor Gums, it seems. Well, I will never open my Mouth before your Lady, as long as I live, if I can help it. I have for these Ten Years avoided to put on my Cravat; and for what Reason, do you think?—Why, because I could not bear to see what Ruins a few Years have made in a Visage, that us’d to inspire Love and Terror as it pleas’d.—And here your—What-shall-I-call-her of a Wife, with all the Insolence of Youth and Beauty on her Side, follows me with a Glass, and would make me look in it, whether I will or not. I’m a plaguy good-humour’d old Fellow—if I am an old Fellow—or I should not bear the Insults contain’d in your Letter. Between you and your Lady, you make a wretched Figure of me, that's certain—And yet, ‘tis taking my Part, with a P–x to you, Mr. B. I would have said; but on your Lady's Account—You see I have as much more Charity than her, as she has Purity than me; or I should not have put in that Saving Clause in her Behalf.

Dismounted Spectacles, arch Mouth, Gums of shining Jet, and such-like fine Descriptions, are these yours, or your Lady’s? I’d be glad to know that, Mr. B.—

Well but, What a D---l must a Man do?—I’d be glad at any Rate to stand in your Lady's Graces, that I would:Nor would I be the last Rake and Libertine unreform’d by her Example, which I suppose will make Virtue the Fashion, if she goes on at the Rate she does.