Published online by Cambridge University Press: 05 July 2011
I believe my case is singular, that none ever had so many strange and different thoughts and feelings as I.
I have been concerned much longer than many others that I have known or read of, who have been savingly converted, and yet I am left.
I have withstood the power of convictions a long time; and therefore I fear I shall be finally left of God.
I never shall be converted, without stronger convictions and greater terrors of conscience.
I do not aim at the glory of God in anything I do, and therefore I cannot hope for mercy.
I do not see the evil nature of sin, nor the sin of my nature; and therefore I am discouraged.
The more I strive, the more blind and hard my heart is, and the worse I grow continually.
I fear that God never showed mercy to one so vile as I.
I fear I am not elected, and therefore must perish.
I fear the day of grace is past with me.
I fear I have committed the unpardonable sin.
I am an old sinner; and if God had designed mercy for me, He would have called me home to Himself before now.
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