Book contents
- Frontmatter
- Dedication
- Contents
- Death Begins with the Loss of Our Cities…
- Are You Going to Be a Killer?
- An Idea Whose Time Has Come
- Your Decision
- Dogs Smelling Blood on a Hunt
- The Meaning of This Empire for Us
- Confronting Death
- The Ancient Wound
- The Essence of the State
- Becoming the Hunted
- Like Two Wistful Flowers
- The World's Greatest Mystery
- The Love That Will Never Fade
- What Does a Single Individual Matter?
- A Game of Revenge
- The Motherland Is Lost
- The Only Thing Keeping Me Alive
- No Intention of Surrendering
- A Man's Word Is His Honour
- An Inappropriate Sense of Compassion
- A Token of a Conversation
- I Am Not the One to Decide
- Miracles
- The Ability to Forgive Ourselves
- Losing One's Humanity
- No Choice But to Fight
- Give Me an Honourable Death
- The Walking Dead
- Save Yourself, Soldier
- Wishing for Help from the Dead
- Resign, Your Excellency!
- A False Sense of Security
- The True Power in the Land
- Betrothed to Life, Married to Death
- When the Wolf Dies in the Forest
- This Is Not Ankara
- Vultures Circling Over an Old Man
- Ignoble Alliances
- A Betrayal of Their Own History
- Fighting for a Lost Cause
- Evil Stalks This Land
- A Malevolent Rain
- A Fragmented Homeland, a Disintegrating World
- Turning Us All into Killers
- When I Began Losing My Country
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland
- Glossary
Like Two Wistful Flowers
- Frontmatter
- Dedication
- Contents
- Death Begins with the Loss of Our Cities…
- Are You Going to Be a Killer?
- An Idea Whose Time Has Come
- Your Decision
- Dogs Smelling Blood on a Hunt
- The Meaning of This Empire for Us
- Confronting Death
- The Ancient Wound
- The Essence of the State
- Becoming the Hunted
- Like Two Wistful Flowers
- The World's Greatest Mystery
- The Love That Will Never Fade
- What Does a Single Individual Matter?
- A Game of Revenge
- The Motherland Is Lost
- The Only Thing Keeping Me Alive
- No Intention of Surrendering
- A Man's Word Is His Honour
- An Inappropriate Sense of Compassion
- A Token of a Conversation
- I Am Not the One to Decide
- Miracles
- The Ability to Forgive Ourselves
- Losing One's Humanity
- No Choice But to Fight
- Give Me an Honourable Death
- The Walking Dead
- Save Yourself, Soldier
- Wishing for Help from the Dead
- Resign, Your Excellency!
- A False Sense of Security
- The True Power in the Land
- Betrothed to Life, Married to Death
- When the Wolf Dies in the Forest
- This Is Not Ankara
- Vultures Circling Over an Old Man
- Ignoble Alliances
- A Betrayal of Their Own History
- Fighting for a Lost Cause
- Evil Stalks This Land
- A Malevolent Rain
- A Fragmented Homeland, a Disintegrating World
- Turning Us All into Killers
- When I Began Losing My Country
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland
- Glossary
Summary
Hello Ester (Dawn, Day 4)
Once again, that terrible dream woke me up in the middle of the night… I haven't had that dream – that nightmare – for some time but now it has once more become an obstacle to any improvements or changes that may occur in my inner world. I got up, switched on the light and drank some water. It was dark outside and for some reason I refrained from opening the window. Instead, I wandered around the room a little before sitting down on the edge of the bed. I stared at my pillow for some time but all it did was stare back at me… Sleep was truly evading me. Lying down and closing my eyes was not going to do me any good so I went into the bathroom and washed my face, after which I sat down at my desk and decided to carry on with my writing.
I first had this nightmare the night after the uprising of the 31st March. Or rather, the night of that Saturday after the crushing of the attempted uprising and the defeat of the plotters. I shall write to you about those days in more detail but now I want to tell you about this awful reoccurring dream of mine. I'm in Salonika. It is an autumn night and I'm at the party's swearing-in ceremony, the same as the one I had participated in for real years earlier. Uncle Leon brings me to the front of a building, although I can't really tell as my eyes are covered. The password is given and a door opens. Uncle Leon leaves me there by the door and disappears. Just as in the actual event, a man whose breath reeks of tobacco takes me by the arm. Only this time it feels different. This time I'm scared, whereas years earlier I had been more excited than afraid. As we make our way down the hall, I hear faint sounds and the low hum of whispers tangled in the wind. I feel as though I am passing through a crowd of people who are pointing at me and talking about me in hushed voices. Not just talking about me but accusing me too.
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- Information
- Farewell, My Beautiful Homeland , pp. 111 - 126Publisher: Anthem PressPrint publication year: 2019