3 - More Beautiful than a Monkey: The Achievement of Intimacy

Summary

A Russian saying that gained particular vogue after the massive decline in the male population following World War II proposes that to be an eligible partner, “A man only has to be slightly more beautiful than a monkey.” This saying, of course, reflected the real issue of restricted partner opportunities following a conflict in which more than twenty million Soviet men died. Such a “direct” impact on the formation of close relationships may seem extreme, but, as we will see, a range of factors external to an individual may have an important impact on their relationship formation. In addition, one of the defining aspects of debates around modern society concerns the extent to which individuals are able successfully to form and maintain intimate relationships with others when faced with other, competing desires and priorities. In this chapter, I discuss the way in which both direct and indirect factors may influence the achievement of intimacy in contemporary societies.

THE FORMATION OF INTIMACY IN A MODERN WORLD

Romantic love is likely to exist across all cultures (Goodwin, 1999). However, some have argued that the role of passion in marriage is both culture- and period-dependent, with many of these changes reflecting the modernisation and industrialisation processes described in the previous chapter (Giddens, 1992; Shumway, 2003). Discussions of love and romance are seen here as portraying patterns that have evolved over several centuries and reflect developing economic trends within particular societies.